England has defeated me...

Finally got moved-in to the new flat, which is a great sense of relief. However, with it brings all the challenges of dealing with the monopoly utilities, namely SKY and BT, that to most Brits are accepted frustrations, but to this American are infuriating inefficiencies that drive me absolutely CRAZY.

BT(1): try to outsmart them and pre-order my phone line 1 week in advance. They refuse to turn it on for the day of arrival, and instead insist I take residence and then call them. Then, I'm supposed to wait for 48 hours for the phone to be turned on. I call back 2 days before I'm legally a tenant and tell them I'm moved in. AHH HA! I got them. Phone line supposed to be active Friday, Sept 8th.

SKY(1): I out-wit those nitwits and pre-order 2 weeks ahead for SkyHD installation (on the new 52" 1080p Samsung) and happen to get assigned Sept 10th, 3 days after move-in, which is fine. I don't understand why Sky insists on sending someone to your house for an "installation", which amounts to a "technician" plugging in the power cable, coax and turning the box on. This time there were two "technicians" --- WTF?!?! Anyways, the "technicians" insist my phone line isn't working and they need to activate my box via the phone line. Since I don't even have a phone (the line is for broadband), I can't argue with them and begin cursing BT. Then, the "technicians" tell me they can't leave the SkyHD box with me, and that another installation will have to be booked when I have a working phone line. WHAT A CROCK!

As I muster all my self-control to not erupt into explicatives, the gents leave. I just then remember I have a BT phone stuffed away. So, I grab it, plug it into the phone jack and voila, A PERFECT DIAL TONE. Those FRIGGIN IDIOTS! Quickly dialing the "technician" on his mobile, I catch him before he leaves and he says it's too late, he's closed the job out of the computer. ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?!?! Just give me the damn box and I'll plug it in. NOPE, he drives off.

BT(2): Needing to sign up for broadband, I call them, having waited the perfunctory 48 hours after the phone is active to order broadband. Nope, they can't just do this in one phone call. You have to order the line, then wait 24 hrs for it to be active then wait 48 hours more before calling back in, queuing for 20 mins and ordering broadband.

BT Broadband (1): They tell me my line is "amber", which means they might not be able to provide me broadband at all, but if they can, it may take 7-14 days to confirm. So, I wait, to hear my fate.....until I get a line working at home, my poker is on hold.

SKY(2-8): After 6 phone calls to Sky/Install people, I realize I'm screwed. They don't care that the dial tone was overlooked by the "technician", it was not verified, so it was a failed install. On the 8th call to sky, the customer "service" rep tells me to cancel my first order, refund my money, and start all over again with the new sales department. WTF!?! She hangs up on me when I ask her my options, since there were none. I give up for the day. Call back the following day, newly refreshed and promising myself not to blow-up on the phone. The sales rep tells me he can't offer me a SkyHD box since I had cancelled my order the previous day. I have to wait 30 days to re-order.....OK, NOW I'M STEAMING !£")$&^("£%( MAD.....hang up.

Sky(9): Get a sales rep on the phone after queuing for 53 minutes. He tells me the same thing the last guy said....wait 30 days to re-order. I take a deep breath and tell him my story. Miraculously it works, he puts me on hold for 37 minutes (NO EXAGGERATION, 37 minutes)....I'm sure he has me on perma-hold, but he comes back saying that his supervisor has approved my re-order. He starts the process, takes my payment details and tells me it will be 299 pounds. I explain my first order was 199, why the price hike? He tells me to hold....another 23 minutes (SERIOUSLY). What do these guys do, take a coffee break, work one out in the toilet, catch up on some reading, and then come back to me? He comes back saying, no problem, 199 pounds. OK!!! Now we're getting somewhere! Finally. The final stake in the neck was the "next available install date" is SEPTEMBER 24th....That's nearly 2 weeks!!! Completely exhausted, I accept and again, I'm waiting......for the glorious experience of HD TV.

Virgin Media(1): I forgot to mention that in the middle of all this I decided Virgin Media (the old NTL cable) would be a better option. In short, they offer cable service to my building, but NOT my flat. WTF?!? You spend all the money to run infrastructure to the building, but don't wire up the whole thing? This would never fly in the States, it just doesn't make economic sense.

So, England has defeated me, the inefficient monopoly (dare I say communist) utilities have brought me to my knees. I have accepted defeat, embraced the arcane culture, and reduced myself to accepting: "that's just the way it is"....say it ain't so!