It Ryhmes with "Stunt"....

One word and the Empire erupted into melee. A monsterous drunken beast was barely being restrained from squashing one of our crew after he ignited this idiot with a word that starts with "c"....

Background: 1/2 GBP NL table was full of fish. This British guy ("Big Bruce") was getting pretty smashed after 5 or more pints of Stella. He mead a standard raise of 12, whenever he got bored. With a stack of just over 200, I was eyeballing his chips and waiting for the moment to pounce. He was UTG and made his standard "i have nothing" raise of 12. With 3 callers, all conscious of this douche-bag's antics, I raise to 50 on the button with TT. He numbly throws in the 50 with his eyes half-closed. Everyone else folds. Flop is Qh9s2d. He bets 25 into a 150 pot. I raise to 150. He looks down at his chips and realizes he only has about 160 left, so he motions to throw away his cards, but bizarrely says "call" as he throws his cards over the line. There is some confusion and a ruling by the dealer, rightly so, that he has to call after announcing it. So, I'm SURE I'm in the lead here, and happy to take this guys chips. After a harmless turn of 7h, I put him all-in for his remaining 39. Again, he can barely even stack his chips to push them into the pot. The dealer flips over an 8h on the river. I'm a bit scared that this dolt might have actually made a hand that beats my weak TT, but he looks at his cards briefly and then hesitates for 30-40 seconds. As he is about to throw away his cards, rather than show his absolute SHITE pre-flop raise and 150 call, he gets a moment of lucidity and announces "i think i have something, a flush". The friggin drunk turns over Kh3h, making a runner-runner flush after I put him all-in. Now, I was frustrated, but was already focused on the next opportunity to take my money (and the rest) back. One of our crew, CC, sitting on my right was watching in delight, that I was going to take this guy down, finally. Instead, CC saw this 40 second drunken stupor as a hollywood slowroll. Being there, I don't think it was intentional -- he was just THAT DUMB! So, as CC reacted, he muttered the word that rhymes with "stunt". When CC realized his mistake, he politely offered a handshake and apologized. However, Big Bruce was apparently raped by his mother at a very young age. That term sent him off the deep end, and what followed was a penetrating, visceral response. You could see the anger surging inside, and as his threats began to escalate. He was screaming threats at a volume you'd find at a Chelsea vs. Arsenal match, and the security people began to converge to stop this madman. After 10 minutes of struggling to get this guy physically restrained, they escorted Big Bruce out and eventually asked CC to leave. I'm not happy about this whole situation, especially since my Guinness was knocked over (for the second time) and it took 45 minutes for the casino to get me a replacement!

When the game got going again, it had thinned to only 6 players. 5 absolute FISH and myself. My 900 stack had fallen to about 650, and I was DAMN SURE that I was getting my money back. For the next 2 hours, I patiently waited for some cards, and watch these fish throw money away calling each other down to the river with low pairs and many times K or A high. I couldn't believe how easy the money was, but my string of rags continued. The best hand I had was a pair of QQ, which I raised aggressively, +15 on the flop and got EVERYONE calling. When the flop came AK7, I threw them away. Winner was A2 off! This table was a dream, but my cards were a nightmare. Slowly, I built my stack back up to about 850 when the floor manager notified us that we had only one more round, or 6 more hands to play. I decided it was NOW or NEVER. In desperation, I suggested we ante 10 GBP to make it more interesting for the final hand. I was happy to get Jd9d (second best hand in 2 hours), and I raised it to 30. EVERYONE CALLS!! So, the pot is already 180 with 6 players. Flop comes 9s6s6c. Not perfect, but I was damn well going to take down this pot. I was UTG, so I bet 100, expecting everyone to fold and I'd leave with my 1000, happy to have survived a bad string of cards and a little disappointed that I missed taking advantage of a fish table. Instead, one of the guys from Malaysia, who could barely speak English and continually asked the dealer if he could check after someone had bet ahead of him, called my 100. FISH ON! Fearing another bad beat, I was estatic to see the turn come as a harmless 4h. I put him all-in for another 140, and he called(!). The river came as a dangerous K, and I was sure this idiot hit his over card when he clapped his hands and let out a little yelp. But, with no chips left, it didn't matter. I flipped over my pair of 9's, fully expecting a K2 to be flipped over and ruin my night. Instead, he ended up mucking his cards after the dealer had to pry them out of his fingers after 60 seconds of looking at the board to try and make a hand.

Night ended with my stack at 1200 chips, +850 GBP for the night. It was a nice finish to an otherwise weird night. I'm definitely going back to Empire with all those dumb players around. I just have to adjust my game to assume NOBODY is folding when they don't understand the game.